Slightly Insane - because everyone is....

Blah. I should go and eat, but there isn't much food in the house and I don't really feel like eating.

Yet I have eaten all of nothing since rising from my bed at an early 11am. No education is fun for sleeping.

Best go and raid the cupboards before I go to work at 5, as otherwise I'll have a headache, be fainty and spend the time looking like I'm out of it. I will be out of it.... though not due to recreational drugs.

There's nothing I fancy eating. God damn the respiration of food substrates to create the ATP needed for doing sodding anything.
I like the sun.... Why can't I be an autotroph? Photosynthesis is so much easier, creat eenergy whilst sunbathing, what can be better?....

Does A cup of tea count as food?

Alexa

xxx

I have a friend Rach, who I met a few years ago at college who at first professed herself to be Bisexual - She had a boyfriend at the time.

Then she's professed herself to be Lesbian. She's dated boys but couldn't love them, or feel as sexually attracted to them but liked G-spot penetration- She had a girlfriend for a while.

Now from being a complete Lesbian she started seeing my first ever boyfriend Matt, after I introduced them. Though he really liked her, and I warned her to be careful, she just wanted to be wanted and to have sex. Unfortunately he couldn't quite get erect enough for sex (same problem occurred a few times when I was seeing him 3 years ago when he messed me around....)

She ended up hurting him, as she told me she'd told him straight it was a fling, but looking at the texts and e-mails she'd sent him they were not obvious:

They said "I'm not ready for full committment with you yet as I've just got out of a relationship and don't want to feel trapped and hurt you, but I really enjoy being with you and really like you, and I think we'd have what it takes i the future..."

Yeah, really sounds like she was only wanting a fling.

Maybe she was doing in consciously to feel wanted, maybe unconsciously, but behind it all is her need to be wanted and loved.

Then she started seeing another girl behind his back and then became her girlfriend. Matt was very hurt. It didn't last very long with this girl. Matt kept looking into anything Rach said to see if there was anything there. I think he still does. She was quite mean with him at the end. I didn't like that side of her.

Now she's with one of her best friends, Lee. Goodness I just don't know hot to keep up with her. In the past year and a half she's been with or 'been in love with' 7 people at least of either gender.

I know she's younger, she's cheated on every partner she's had, and she dismisses people with a wave of her hand and a goodbye and doesn't seem to understand their pain and just finds it annoying. I find it annoying, but its her attitude I find annoying not theirs.

I still love her, as most people do, but it's just hard to go out and have every guy falling at her feet who she then breaks the hearts of. I'm not jealous of the guys falling for her, that's fine, I have my boyfriend and I wouldn't want it anyother way.

Maybe I see in her what I used to be when much younger. Maybe thats why I dislike it so much as I disliked what I was back then. Yet I was never as bad as her. Maybe I'm just a hypocrit.

We all know as soon as she goes to Uni Lee will be forgotten.....

Alexa
xxx

Yesterday my ex leo came over. We chatted for a while. He took me to McDonalds - though I know it's against my low sugar diet - and then we went for a walk with the dog.
It was really suprising actually as when we were together he hated walking the dog with me. I don't know if he now cares, or if he's trying to make himself look better than before. Maybe he's just changed. But we walked the dog for about 2 hours and chatted all the while.

It was realy nice to talk about anything from our favourite bands, to deep feelings etc. I miss him as a friend, so it's nice that we've finally got to a stage after 2 years that we can be close as friends,and I don't feel like he's trying to come onto me at al or emotionally black mail me.

He's currently heartbroken over a girl he likes who is a bit flighty to put a polite word to it. She's currently seeing his best mate even though she said she wanted to be with Leo. But now he can't in all consciousness get with her even if he really likes her after she's been with his best friend and he knows his best friend has really deep feelings for her and he doesn't want to hurt him like that at all. It's nice to findthat some people still have old fashioned, rather caring, morals.

I hope that he finds someone soon. He deserves someone. It's funny as he used to say that he would never find anyone else but now he's slept with more people than me. Not sure how many, I never felt I was close enough to ask him, but maybe now I can!

I think he also had sex with a prostitute in Amsterdam just after we broke up. Some of his mates who hadn't yet had sex lost their virginity to prostitues as well. =S I just see sex as a loving actt, so I find it hard to imagine people sharing their bodies with anyone at any time. I've done that once and I didn't like it. In fact I was going for the relationship, whereas the guy just wanted sex. =S Oh well, life changes.

Alexa
xxx

I'm so glad that my exams are now over. I can finally enjoy a book without being worried that it shall impact on my revision

I can be myself, get up when I want, do what I want and enjoy being myself.

Well....Until September and Uni, but that's another matter! Until then, I have about 3 months of nothing. Lovely.

My boyfriend is working far away at the moment, but thankfully it's only until we go away on holiday and then hopefully he'll be much closer to home. I hope.

Holiday. I can't wait. Sun, Sea and Sex.

Lets hope that the condoms do their job.